I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How external is "for external use only"?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
