It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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