I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?