Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin