I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.