i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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