i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
