I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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