did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
