I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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