I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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