great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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