i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
