I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
