This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
