He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
