That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Someone came in the potted fern
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
