Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
