After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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