I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
