we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I touched a dick in church today
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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