woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
