sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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