why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
