It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
