I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize