Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
