I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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