Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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