Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
