my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
