I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
