I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
