I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
