you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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