I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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