even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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