You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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