He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
