Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
