my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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