Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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