I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
