How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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