These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
