I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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