Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
