So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
