just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Im part way to drunk.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
