put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
