So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
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I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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