instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He passed out mid-signature
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
