ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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