Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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