Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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