I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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