Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
