I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
