I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this beer tastes like vomit already
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
