Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
