It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
