k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can't put those talents on a resume
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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