Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
