You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
