I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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