well I can't set my house on fire every night
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
