I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
