would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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