paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
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I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
as a side note pls kill me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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