Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
